On the bright side?

Lately, well, these last few days I have probably been the most depressing person around. Either that or I'm just bored. I have no idea at this point. I feel incredibly lonely, left out, and completely out of my usual giggly pinkie pie acting self.  
I have been working on S L A V E lately and not on my fanfiction. 
Thank god it's only one fanfiction. xD;; 


And, I got my guitar fixed now so I can start practicing again. :D Yay.
... Yes, I have Never Shout Never on my mind again. c: And I really don't mind. 
I just hate feeling useless, trapped, and completely alone. 
On the Brightside is the exact song I always need to listen to that song. For my own good. It inspires me. (:


Over all, I've been a jerk to those who only care for my well being. To be blunt I've been a real dick. Especially to the ones who are good to me and want the best for me. Including my best friend(s) and family. I don't know what's come over me. I feel just so stuck and stupid.


I want my home. I don't want to live with my folks anymore. I hate this. 
I love my parents so very much. But, I need to get away. Live my own life. 
Not life to their schedule and when it's convenient for them. Sadly though, in life we can't always get what we want. 


Tonight, my friend and his band performed at this bar sort of thing. A lot of people I knew were probably there. I wanted to be there, to see my old friends, and support my friend and his band, but no. I was here. Bored and stoned out of my mind. Oh! And did I forget to mention depressed? 


That's beside the point. I want to do things and have fun. But I also want the freedom to do whatever I want, time wise. I don't care about getting drunk or whatever. What I'm trying to say is that I don't give a damn about partying till three in the morning, getting gang banged by your classmates in college, and being a complete crack whore. No thanks. 
I just wanna be able to cook ramen in my boxers and listen to my music without scoffing or this or that. Those are just the selfish things though. Just a place I can come to and regain myself. I'm not doing this out of rebellion. I know too many people who have done things like that and have completely effed up their lives. I'm not going to be that way. But the time or opportunity shows off that I can lives elsewhere, I will do it. 


I love my parents, and I love my sister, but I want my own home. I want to live on my own. Away from everyone. Just me. I think it would give me time to see what it would be like, just me. I think it would be lonely, but I'd be free. Be my own boss, as they say. 
I... am at lose of words. I really don't know what to think. 


I'm falling into depression again slightly. I think if I just think and sleep things will be better in the morning. Hopefully. So, for now, I'm off!




Toodles~!